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a year ago at this time we were in california with family & friends. we were sleeping on the ground in the backyard to escape the heat. and mike was saying goodbyes. even so, we didn't expect to lose him so quickly, just a few weeks later.
the clarity with which i remember those last precious moments with mike is pummeling me now. i miss him now more than ever. thus, this post.
apparently, this is the month of mike, for better & worse. here's one better bit [though not "the best bit", as mike would say]:
actually, i am pretty darn proud of myself. i made an enormous jar of cold coffee brew, a la mike. every summer he always had a jar of cold coffee in the fridge, marked with a piece of this here blue tape. mine is much easier to read.
simple. yes. it is this and things like it that bring him back to me, if ever so slightly.
1 comment:
Dearest Amy -
I am so sorry for the grief you're dealing with. I'm sure it comes and goes, and yet, it's always there. And, then suddenly, when you're doing "just fine" it comes roaring back and hits you like a sledge hammer. I've never really heard many details of what last July was like, but it's hard for me to imagine it could've been any good at all. Going to California to say good byes while Mike was getting progressively weaker and at the same time trying to parent Elena and figure out how to help her understand and deal with the incomprehensible, seems like the worst possible scenario. Until, of course, you try to live that same scenario, but without Mike. You are one tough mama, Amy, and this is one freaking unfair role you've been "chosen" to "play"! I have so much admiration for you, and you know if we could, we'd all pitch in and change your story. Not even just to get Mike back for his or our sakes, but just so you and ElenaLu wouldn't have to go through this dessert alone.
I have no doubts, whatsoever, that you can and will do it and that you will both be absolutely fine. But the hardship is so unfair and so wrong. Lots and lots of hugs. Wish I were closer so I could perhaps be of some actual assistance - right now I'm actually in Denmark visiting family, and I don't even think I'll be back in Atlanta until October. But you are often in my thoughts. Love you, Charlotta
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